Do away with the opinion I am harmed, and the harm is cast away too. Do away with being harmed, and harm disappears.
— Marcus Aurelius
Many of us experience hurts and harms of our own making. We build for ourselves cages of frustration without understanding that the door of the cage is unlocked and we can free ourselves whenever we choose.
There are many circumstances in life that feel like they cause us harm. But we must choose to be harmed. There are many people in life that can make us feel frustrated. But we must choose to feel frustrated.
Our emotional responses to our circumstances and to others often feel forced upon us. Something happens and we feel frustrated or something happens and we feel offended. Our reactions often seem automatic. But these reactions are not the inevitable effect of the circumstances of life, they are the habits which we have create over time.
In psychology this concept is called locus of control. When you have an external locus of control you believe that the outcomes of your life are determined by external forces. You feel that life happens to you. When you have an internal locus of control you believe that the outcomes of your life are determined by your internal choices. You feel that life is what you make of it. None of us operate completely from an external or internal locus of control. All of us have the opportunity to choose the locus of control we will use it each of our experiences.
The problem is that for many of us, we have chosen to believe in an external locus of control for so long that we no longer feel we have a choice. Or, put another way, our choices have become automatic habits and no longer feel like a choice. But that remove our ability to choose.
Whether intentionally chosen or not, our emotional reactions to the conditions of life can be chosen. We can choose harm or we can choose to not be harmed. The choice is yours. If you feel trapped by the hurt that comes from the circumstances and events of your life, open the door of your cage and choose to be free.
What experiences and events of your life have you feeling hurt or trapped? How would you feel differently if you chose to not feel hurt? What can you do to reframe your experiences and choose not to feel hurt? How will you start doing that today?