God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.
Today, I want to write about something a little different than usual. The spread of COVID-19 is affecting everyone in both small and large ways. It is my hope and prayer that whoever you are and wherever you are, that you are well and safe at this time of uncertainty and change.
I don’t pretend to know anything about COVID-19 or about how it will continue to influence the way we live, but I do have faith that despite social distancing, there are ample opportunities for each of us to strengthen and lift one another during this challenging time.
As I have thought about this idea over the last several days, it has brought to mind something that has been on my mind off and on for quite a while. Specifically, it is something that has been on my mind heavily over the last year.
My Grandfather
One year ago on March 15, 2019 my grandfather, Grant Scott Haslam, passed away. My grandfather was a traditional, old-time farmer and life long Teamster. For most of my life I always viewed my grandfather as a hard man. He was commonly terse and generally ornery. But he was also funny and kind in his own way.
There are a lot of memories I have of my grandfather.
I remember being told a story that happened when I was just an infant. When my parents were first married, they lived in a trailer on my grandparent’s farm. One night shortly after I was born, my parents were driving home and my dad passed a pickup truck driven by a couple of teenage boys and their girlfriends. They didn’t like the fact that someone had passed them and they chased down my parents car and ran them off the road. They got out of the car ready to fight my dad in a misguided attempt to defend their bruised egos.
Fortunately, this happened in front of my grandparent’s house. My grandpa came out of the house in his socked feet and demanded to know what was going on. The teens told him to go back in his house because it wasn’t his fight. He just took off his belt, wrapped it around his fist and told them with his familiar colorful language to get out of there or he’d teach them out how he used to fight when he was growing up. I have no doubt that he would have taken them to task.
For years, my grandpa raised pigs. You could always tell when you got to his farm because of the flies. I remember as a kid having him yell at all us grandkids for climbing on fences at his farm. At the time I’m sure we thought he was just trying to be mean. In hindsight, I’m sure he was only trying to keep us safe.
I also remember him letting my brother, my cousin and me turn an old chicken coop into a clubhouse. We had to clean out the coop, but we didn’t care. We used old milk crates for chairs and we had a lot of fun in that old dusty coop.
I remember driving with him to Coalville Utah to get blue heeler puppies from a farmer he knew. He picked one of the puppies and had me hold it, saying that was the best one. I believed him and didn’t put that puppy down until we got home. We named him Timber because we thought he looked like a timber wolf. We had that dog for over 15 years. He was the best dog of the bunch.
Later, when I was a father myself, I remember by grandpa taking my kids to the farm and helping them hold his baby goats, who he had named after his grand-daughters as a joke. He did soften somewhat with age.
I remember finding a book that has been his literature book in middle school. It still has his writing of “S.H.+ J.A” in it. It is hard to fathom him having a crush on my grandma since he was still basically just a boy. I still have that book on my shelf.
These and many other experiences with my grandfather often left me confused as I tried to understand him. There were memories of real generosity. There were also many memories of his hard and grumpy demeanor that had always stuck with me since my youth. All of this led to me never feeling particularly close to my grandfather.
The Grandpa I Didn’t Know
When my grandpa died, his funeral was an eye opening and surreal experience. You see, I am not the only member of my family that had this sort of complicated relationship with my grandpa. Many of us did.
There was another group of people at the funeral though. These were the people who he lived around and associated with the last years of his life. They had a very different kind of relationship with my grandfather. They spoke highly of him, respected him, admired him, and wept for him. More than anything else, they loved him.
What was odd about this situation was feeling like our roles at the funeral should have been reversed.
What I Have Been Thinking About
The fact that I didn’t feel the way some of them did is what has been on my mind often over the last year. You see, I love my grandfather too, but I think in families we sometimes treat our relationships like being family is enough. We act like the mere fact that we are blood is all that is necessary in the relationship. I don’t think this is the case.
When it comes to family, possibly most importantly with our families, we need to put in the time to truly build our relationships. As I have thought about my relationship with my grandpa over the last year, I have been forced to admit to myself, that I only got to know one aspect of my grandpa because I only invested that much effort into my relationship with him.
I didn’t take the time out of my own life to truly get to know my grandpa. I never went out of my way to help him really know me either.
The people that came to his funeral to truly mourn and honor their friend had taken that time. They did know him as the man he truly was.
This realization has saddened me.
It has also made me think more about how I treat the many other relationships in my life.
Reaching Out To Those In Need
As I have pondered these thoughts and feelings, I have come to feel a profound gratitude for the people who were my grandpa’s friends and neighbors. For those who cared about him and for him over the years.
I think this experience has also helped me understand more deeply why it is so vitally important for each of us to reach out to love and those around us.
I am not going to sugar coat things. Life is hard. Life is busy. We all have 1000 things to do and enough time to do 100 of them. It is easy to get distracted by the daily chaos and challenges that are present in each of our lives.
Life is also precious and short. Everyone needs to have friends. We all want to feel loved. Everyone appreciates knowing that someone else cares about them and is thinking about them.
It is my hope and prayer that each of us can earnestly seek out opportunities to find and serve those who need our help and our love. There are people around you who are struggling. Someone you know is discouraged and lonely and in need of your love. They need you to be their friend.
At this time of uncertainty there is a lot of fear and uncertainty in the world. We are all being encouraged to stay away from each other, to use social distancing in an effort to slow the spread of COVID-19. At this time it is more important than ever that we reach out and love and support one another. We need to truly reach out to those who need our love and “mourn with those that mourn; and comfort those that stand in need of comfort”. (Mosiah 18:9)
Sometimes all someone needs is a phone call, text, or email to know that they are not forgotten. It is at hard times like these that our connection with others becomes most important.
Conclusion
At the beginning of this post, I referenced a quote from President Spencer W. Kimball that I like. He said, “God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs.“. I recently did more research and was very impressed by the rest of what President Kimball said in that same talk. His full message at that time was this:
God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs. Therefore, it is vital that we serve each other in the kingdom. The people of the Church need each other’s strength, support, and leadership in a community of believers as an enclave of disciples. In the Doctrine and Covenants we read about how important it is to “… succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.” (D&C 81:5.) So often, our acts of service consist of simple encouragement or of giving mundane help with mundane tasks, but what glorious consequences can flow from mundane acts and from small but deliberate deeds!
What truth! We can all gain amazing blessings by showing our love through simple acts of deliberate service.
I may not have always been there to be the friend and support for my grandpa, but I am grateful to those who were there for him. I have faith that as we each try to serve those around us in love that the Lord will guide us to those who need our help and friendship. I also have faith that when we reach out to serve those the Lord leads us to, we find we needed their help and friendship, too.
May we all do what we can at this time to love and serve, to lift and support those around us. As we do so, I know that we will be blessed and that we will learn better what it is to truly be disciples of Christ.
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